Solo Career
by Emark
Summary: What if Kendall left Big Time Rush for a solo deal? What will he live behind?
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush**_

_**-(^)(^)-**_

As he walked down the street on the cold icy night, he can't help but think of him. The night is dark out, barely any nights suitable for anyone to live in. But he got used to this weather as a child growing up. He's back home.

He remembers having it all. Taking it to the top with all of his friends. He remembers all their adventures like they happened yesterday, even though it's been years. He remembers being trapped in a well, where they all helped Jordan Sparks figure out that her song was a duet with Big Time Rush.

He remembers all going on tour, and being mistaken as criminals. He remembers fighting like ninjas. He remembers the break up.

_***Flashback***_

"_You can't do this, Kendall. We are a singing group, not solos." Said a very stressed out Logan. Kendall has just been offered to go do a solo album by Hawk. Everyone believed Hawk was stupid to offer this to Kendall, but he changed. Hollywood changed him. And everyone saw, everyone but him. _

"_Well why can't I just do one stupid album?" Kendall yelled in annoyance that his friends wouldn't support him on this. Kendall thinks that if it was offered to James, or Logan, or Carlos, that he would support them. So why can't they do the same to him? _

"_Kendall," James finally spoke up from what seemed hours. "If you go, then WE move back to Minnesota, and finish our lives, while you go on your solo career. Even I'm not as selfish as to leave Big Time Rush!" And it was true. For James has been offered many solo career opportunities, but he didn't in exchange for his friends. He can't believe how Kendall is acting right now. _

"_Oh, Come On! James, I though you would be the most supportive. I thought you were the one with a BIG plan. YOU were the one who knew they were gonna go solo, and start his career. I mean, come one guys, did you really believe that were gonna be a group forever. Friends change." Kendall shot back. _

"_This isn't the Kendall I know. The Kendall I know wouldn't go take a solo offer without his friends. The Kendall I know would put others before himself. The Kendall I see here right now, isn't the Kendall that was back in Minnesota. I want back that Kendall. That's the Kendall I know and love." James said, practically crying the last part. _

"_What? You love me?" Kendall said in a disgusted tone. Hollywood really changes people. _

"_Come on, guys. Let's leave Kendall to his solo career. Hope you make it Kendall, really I do." Said a very sympathetic Carlos. _

_They left that night. All of them. Since Kendall was old enough to live by himself, Mama Night, Katy, Carlos, Logan, and James board on the first plane to Minnesota. _

_***End of Flashback***_

He walked, down the street of his old home. He saw his house. He saw his yard. The one where Carlos would always play with him since they were 6. He saw his table outside, where Logan would help him with Algebra if he ever asked. And last, he saw the tree house. The same tree house that looked like it hadn't been touched in ages. The same tree house where Kendall and James first slept over. The same tree house where he and James figured out what they wanted to be when they grow up.

He went up to his door, and knocked on the door. The door opened moments after. Revealing a grown up Logan. His eyes widened at the sight before him. Kendall got nervous and Logan stepped aside to let him in. Kendall was shocked. He saw Carlos, waiting for Logan to come back. When Logan sat down next to him, they held hands, and Kendall noticed two rings in their fingers. He then saw Mama Knight with a stranger to Kendall. Mama Knight was holding him tight. Then he saw Katie, with a teenage boy's hands wrapped around her body. But that's not what shocked Kendall. No! What shocked him, is that James, the boy he too late realized he loved, was holding a guy, to the side, with his hands wrapped around his waist.

"Kendall" They all said.

Kendall kept starring at James, with sadness in both their eyes. They kept starring, until a single tear fell out of Kendall's eyes.

What had he done?

_**-(^)(^)-**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Emark Does Not Own Big Time Rush, Or any Character In This Story.**

**_*Flashback 10 years back*_**

Kendall and James lay on the tree house. He was there with his best friend, James. Logan and Carlos were in the hospital because Carlos pulled Logan into one of his famous pranks. Unfortunately, it backfired and landed them on the hospital. So, Kendall and James were in Kendall's front yard, having a sleep over. It was around 9 in the night, and they had yet to fall asleep. They were lucky, for the summer heat made the night that much less colder. They were looking out the window of the tree house and into the sky, enjoying the amazing world outside their earth.

"Kendall?" James said, after many minutes of complete silence. They were laying by each others' side, and ready for sleep to yet take them.

"Yeah Jamie?" Kendall said, using the nickname that he gave to James. James never let anyone else call him that. Not even Carlos or Logan. The name was only reserved for one specific blonde he's had eyes for.

"Do you think we'll be friend forever?" James asked, the question coming out of no where and startling Kendall.

"Why do you ask that?" Kendall asked.

"Well, my dad had a best friend that he used to have in high school. He has a picture of him and his friend in the family album. I asked him what happened and he said they aren't friends no more." James spoke in such a sad and fearful tone. This made Kendall's heart drop, but he couldn't know why.

"Nah, Jamie. We will always stick together. No matter what." Kendall answered with confidence in his voice, even though in the inside, he wasn't sure.

"Promise?" James asked on the verge of tear.

"Promise." Kendall answered.

That night, they both fell asleep in each others' arms. A smile on both their faces.


	3. Chapter 3

_**-This author will never own the band and the hit T.V. show, Big Time Rush.-** _

*_Flashback_* - Freshman Year

"I can't." "Why not?" "I won't make it!" "Come on James, you have an amazing voice, and amazing acting skills!" Kendall and James were outside the theatre room, ready for James to sign up for the school play, Beauty and the Beast. Logan forgot his calculator in the Science lab, while Carlos was in the nurse's room trying to get the lobster off his front. "What if I'm not good enough? What if I get a low part? What if they all laugh at my face? What if-" James kept rambling out on what could happen if he went on stage. The only problem was that he was being negative. Well, guess what? Kendall just won't have that. So with a good slap on the face, James finally calmed down. "Listen to me, James. You are going to get in there, get the part, and be the best beast this world has ever seen! Now, get in there and kick some ass. We will be waiting here, and if for some crazy stupid reason, they don't accept you, well then it's their lost." Kendall said, practically yelled. "Ok." James said in such a confident tone that made Kendall's heart beat just a little bit faster.

_Å_

That night, after James auditioned the play, they got to Logan's house for a sleep over. They were still waiting for the parts for the play to go out, so they started talking about if James was going to get in or not. Well, James was negative. "Guys, I really blew it!" James said, while sitting in Logan's computer chair in his room. "Stop saying that! You did great! You were the best one there!" Kendall fired back. "Guys, the lobster left a mark!" Carlos came in running from the bathroom. "Maybe next time you'll think twice before you let 16 lobster's free in the girl's locker room." Logan told the latino boy. "Guys! Focus! I think I blew it, Big TIme!" James shouted. They kept rambling like that, until midnight fell and everyone went quiet. Logan slept on top of his own bed, while the other three were sprawled out in the floor, from Carlos, to Kendall, to James. James thought everyone was asleep, until he heard Kendall call his name. "James? You awake?" "Yeah, what's up dude?" "Oh, nothing, I just couldn't sleep and I thought I would start a conversation with the first person that came to my mind. The very thought of Kendall thinking of him first made his stomach do funny tricks he had yet to feel for anybody else. "Oh. Well, I don't think I will make the play." James could feel Kendall roll his eyes. "James, listen to me. You will get on that play, you will have the best role on that play, and you are gonna get 10 minutes of a standing ovation." Kendall said. "Thanks Kendall, it really means a lot that you think I'll make it." "I don't think you'll make it, I know." Well, James slept with his heart beating faster, his stomach doing funny things, and his brain very fuzzed. But he still had a smile on his face.

**Author's Note: Sorry for the many flashbacks and short chapters, I am hitting writer's block a little, but I'm working on curing it. I'll try to update soon. Anyway, there will be a few more flashbacks, but first, ill put in a present time or something. It will probably be longer, cuz i already have an idea. But i got to write it out. Thanks to those who added it to your alerts, reviewed it, and favorited it. You guys are awesome. :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: The author does not own the hit T.V. Show/Band Big Time Rush**

_**Chapter 4 Present Time**_

Kendall's Point of View 

I ran.  
I ran away. Away from it all.  
I don't want to look back.  
How could I?  
He gave me a chance.  
A chance to love him. But I blew it. I let him go. But I didn't realize he took my heart with him.

How could I think that after so many years, he would still love me. It took me one month. One fucken month to figure out why I cried myself to sleep every night after they left. It took me one month to be sure that what I felt for him was more than brotherly love, or friendship. One stupid, and miserable month, filled with misery and tears. I would dream all my nights of one person, and one person only. But I was stupid enough to let him slip away from my fingers. The only thing that kills me is that I had a chance. A chance to tell him not to leave me, he loved me.

Loved. Not love, loveD. Holly wood changed me.

It was dark out, no one can recognize me. How could they, the streets were empty, due to the freezing nights. It feels good to be back in Minnesota. I missed the constant breezes that were so rare in L.A. I missed seeing the stars out, looking past the skies, wondering where it will end. In L.A. you were lucky if you saw more than 5 stars in one night. In Minnesota, 5 stars were visible with one glance. I looked, the streets didn't change. Nothing did.

I past the music store. The white store, filled with guitars, piano's, drums, microphones, and many different kinds of instruments that I didn't even know existed. There were C.D.'s in one corner. Even if the lights were out, the moonlight glow let me see perfectly into it. I saw them. C.D.'s of me, many different albums.

**_Going up, Livin' Large, Somethin' Missin, and Comin' Back._ **

The last one that I made was Comin' Back. It is what made me realize what I wanted. To come back. To take a vacation from the world of fame and fortune, and vacation with my family. I missed them. I needed them. Now I regret it.

I kept walking until I finally found the hockey arena. I went over to pick the lock. The guys and us always used to come here, to play after the arena closed. I still remember that one time we got caught. The owner was so pissed, and threatened to call the cops if he didn't know my mom already. We all thought we were going to let go off the hook. Unfortunately, he called all our mom's and we got grounded. It still made me smile to remember how fun we had.

Luckily, i still remembered my lock opening skills. I walked down the hallway, noticing that the lights were still on. I just ignored it and walked in the ice rink. I walked on the bleachers. I noticed that everything was the same as I left. Nothing has really changed.  
I sat down. Thinking.

Sure, I missed Logan's cleverness, the way he would always complain that what we are doing is wrong. I missed Carlos, his stupid antics, yet you could never hate him. He was the goofy one, the one that we all loved no matter what. I missed his helmet. I missed my mom. She and Katy were the world to me. It was now that I thought about it that I realized how Hollywood really changed me. How did I go from living large and loving my family, to the snobby dork, who wanted nothing other than more. More fame, more fortune.

I started to think of how much I missed my whole family, but the one person that my heart ached more than any of them, was James. It wasn't until a couple of months later that I realized it. Half of my heart ached for my family, the other whole half ached for my love. I realized I might have been so stupid to let James out of my grasp. I mean, he is awesome, but when I saw him, there with that, dumb ass! I couldn't blame James though. I felt stupid that James would wait for me for that long. How could he wait for a boy that showed disgust to him for 2 years, when really it was one month. Kendall felt heartbroken. He only blamed himself. He had done this to himself. Kendall wanted to get a gun, and shoot his head, but that would he inappropriate. For the whole world.

No One's Point of View: 

Kendall was so in deep thought that he didn't notice James in the corner, silently watching the person he loves… loved.

It is a dark corner, where you could barely see anything. James came running after Kendall, but when he couldn't see him, he ran to the arena. He took a shortcut and got there before Kendall had. He went in and turned the lights on. He stayed in the corner, secretly hoping Kendall would still come here. His luck came true, as he saw Kendall come in. James was watching him. Not letting out a single sound, fearing Kendall might hear him.

When he finally got enough courage to talk to him, Kendall stood up. He turned around and jumped back when he saw there was a figure in the corner.

Due to the shadow, Kendall couldn't see the face.

"Who's there?" Kendall cried. It was then that James realized the red puffy eyes on Kendall. He noticed the tears coming down his cheeks. His heart ached. Sure, he thought he was over Kendall, and to make himself more sure, he started dating Jett. Jett was nice, in a way… Oh who was he kidding. The only reason that he started dating Jett a month ago was because he reminded him a little like Kendall. He had the blonde hair, he was stubborn, and he wasn't' afraid to talk for himself. There were many negative things about Jett as well. Instead of beautiful green eyes that he used to get lost in, Jett had piercing blue eyes, that made you drown in misery and cruelty. Jett only stood up for himself and did nothing for others. The Kendall that James fell in love with would step up for anyone, not giving a damn about his needs. He would only do what others wanted. Nothing else. Jett only got with me because I am the popular one. After the band broke up, Logan ended up going to school, studying medical stuff that I frankly don't get. Carlos is owning his own hot dogs and corn dogs stand. Actually, him and Logan are together. They are going to get married. They were planning on inviting Kendall, but since he never called, they weren't' sure. Anyway, Jett is Jett, but Kendall is better. Now that I see him here, I want to hug him, how we used to do when we were little. I what to hug him, wrap him around me and say that everything will be fine, even if I, myself, am not sure.

"James?" Kendall asked in shock.  
James stepped out of the shadows, revealing himself.

"James, what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be with… _your lover_?" Kendall said the last part like it was venom and he was trying to get it out of his mouth.  
"I should be asking you what you are doing here?" James countered back. He couldn't help but smile.  
Kendall was to depressed to smile back.  
"I wanted to come apologize, and to spend some time with my old family." Kendall said, not daring to look into James' hazel eyes, afraid he was going to get lost in them.

"Oh really, then you could have come, oh I don't know, a year ago, or two? Instead you were enjoying the life of a star, being prayed on by 10-20 year old girls and guys." James didn't know why he started yelling, but all the misery and anger that Kendall caused suddenly sprouted out.

Kendall looked hurt. But James looked betrayed.  
Kendall sensed this.  
"James, I'm sorry, but I barely figured out that-"

"Save it Kendall! You had all the time in the world, but you didn't do anything. All your albums, songs, music videos… I had to fucken listen to them. Everyday I would cry myself to sleep, hoping that you'll come back tomorrow, but I stopped hoping that months ago. I had to move on, so I moved on with Jett!"

"Jett? Is that what the dumb ass's name is? He was so fucken ugly, and you could so tell that he had nose job-"

"Enough! I am not going to let you insult my Jett!" Kendall heard him yell, the word 'my' standing out. _My, my, my, my! _

That was enough to send Kendall running into the locker, locking it behind him, crying his eyes out!

Sliding down the door, Kendall realized that James had moved on. He had actually moved on. He was stupid to believe that there was a chance that James would actually wait for him.

**(A.N. I was going to end it here, but I decided, nah)**

Kendall's Point of View: 

I can't believe how stupid I was! I mean, yeah, I was sort of hoping James would wait for me, but it isn't until it was too late that I realized that I got my hopes up for nothing.

I looked around the locker room. It's actually really beautiful in here. I mean, it is surprisingly clean. Actually cleaner than last time. Isn't it supposed to be dirtier. Maybe I was gone so long, that I forgot how dirty it really is.

I wonder if the rings in between Carlos and Logan meant anything. I mean, really, I didn't even know they were gay. They were great at keepi-

_Crash_

"Hello! Is someone there?" I cried out, cause the loud crash couldn't have been the wind.

_Tap Tap Tap_

I heard someone walking. I looked through the locker hallways.

_Tap Tap Tap_

I heard it again, this time faster. Who ever it is, is trying to run away. But they won't.

I ran after the noise, not noticing the foot sticking out of one of the small hallways.

_Crash_

Damn, the fall really hurt.

"Hi Kendall" Said a very unfamiliar voice. I looked up to see the bastard. The bastard that I hate. The bastard that is with James now. He had a very ugly grin on his face. He looked like he tried really hard to look his best and had an epic fail. I had to play cool now, cause he doesn't know about me and James, if there was anything at all.

"Hey." I said. His grin grew and frankly, it's giving me chills down my spine, and not in a good way.

He held out a hand so he can help me stand up. I hesitated, but finally took it.

"So, you know Diamond and his little muts?" Muts? Is he talking about Logan and Carlos? He better hope not, cause then his ass would have a pole in between.

"Muts? I only know James, Carlos, Logan, Katie, and my mom, Jane" I said, acting confused.

He laughed, but it sounded a little forced. I could tell he was trying to act it. He isn't good at acting.

"Silly, those are who I am talking about. How do you know them, in fact, How do you know them and not me?" What the fuck? He just insulted my family. And right now, he's acting like it's no big deal. Dumb ass! And really, is he trying to flirt with me? Cause he's failing.

"Umm… What are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be at MY house with MY family." I said, using emphasis on 'my'. I don't know why, but he gives me chills just by looking at him.

He smirked, apparently not getting why I used my.

"Well, after you left, James got up, and started running after you. And like the best boyfriend that I am, I ran after him, but I wound up meeting you here, which makes everything much, much better."

Ugh, why is he flirting with me? Isn't he with James?

Wait, he's flirting with me, and he is with James! The cheating bastard! No one does this to my Jamie!

"Do, you like… want to go get coffee or something?" I lost it! I punched him, in the jaw.

"Bastard! Don't you fucken dare cheat on James! I don't care who you are, but if you hurt my James, you'll have better luck surviving hell!" _BAM! _He hit me, he fucken hit me!

"Get over here you fucken ass hole!" We say oddly in union.

I can't think straight! I can't. I'm too busy acting on reflexes. I heard a door open. God don't let it be who I think it is.

"Guys! Kendall, Jett, get off each other." And it is him. Why is he pushing me aside?

He holds me down. We stare at each other for a little to long, but I'm not complaining.

He gets up, and goes to Jett. God I hate him.

"Kendall, get out!" What?

"What! Why me? Why can't he leave?" I yelled pointing at him. I get up to go at him again, but a hand is on my chest. It's James.

"Please, Kendall, just… leave" He looks so sad. I almost want to cry for what I did.

I got up and opened the door harshly, but before I left, I decided to speak, and being myself, said something so stupid.

"Okay, I will, but remember, when and if I die tomorrow, the last thing on my mind will always be you." And I left. I don't know why I said that. I don't know why I ran. All I know is that, I want to complete that promise. I want, die with him in my mind and heart. Not with someone else.

**Author's Note: Well, sorry if you hate that I had to end it here, but I wanted to come up with more ideas. I already have some ideas, and I will try to update faster. This took long cause I was too busy reading other stories. ** Lol. It's a really good story. Anyway, I hope you like the lousy ending here.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: The author does not own the hit T.V. Show/Band Big Time Rush**

**Chapter 5 **

**Author's Note: So, I see that many more people put this as their favorites, or as an alert. Thank you! lol. You guys rock, and make me want to make this story better. You can review or P.M. me, and feel free to say anything you want, I can take a little criticism. :) So… I'll try to make the chapters long. But I'll doubt I'll succeed. So… I got bad news for those who are reading this story, I am using the school computer, so I'll write less frequently during the summer. I will try so hard to go to my aunt's and uncle's house to type in my stories. If I can't upload them, I'll most likely take 3 months to upload it. Sorry. Hope u guys are forgiving people. Anyway…Sorry that this is going to be a short chapter! Don't hate me! lol. but it will be filled with twists and turns, just cause I can.  
**

**WARNING: There may be a few twist and a little violent things happening.  
**

**-(^)_(^)-**

**James's Point of View**

I can't believe it. What did he just say? Maybe I didn't hear right.

_"When and If I die, You'll be the last thing on my mind."_

No, I heard right. But why the fuck does he want to die. And what does-

"JAMES! CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT? YOU ALREADY HIT MY FUCKEN HEAD THREE TIMES!"

Oops. I forgot I was helping my boyfriend. Yeah, MY BOYFRIEND. Ughh. He's so stupid.

"Sorry babe. I was-"

"SAVE IT! You know I hate to be called babe!"

What the fuck is his problem?

"What the fuck is your problem?"

"My problem is you! You can't do anything right! GOd!"

What? What the fuck!

"What the fuck! I didn't do anything wrong! Why are you yelling at me? God!" Ugh. I can't take it! He always yells at me after he loses something. He lost the fight. So what if Kendall is stronger, more muscular and mo- NO! stop! I can not be falling for him again. He hurt me. Hurt me big time. He should do more than apologize! So what now, he is going to kill himself after I rejected him. Well, he's stupid. He hurt me, made me cry after no one ever made me cry. Well fuck him!

_No! Go after him! _

Why? So he could brake my heart?

_No, because he was miserable without you. He came all the way here just to talk to you! _

Yeah right, he probrally only wants what he can't have, and he won't have me. He was just bluffing when he said he was gong to hurt himself.

_How do you know? How do you know that. What if he does commit suicide and you don't realize it until it's too late! _

It's his problem!

_He's your love_

Damn it! Why is my stupid conscience right! It annoys me!

I was in so deep in thought that I didn't even notice that Jett left. Where did he go? Whatever. I need to find Kendall.

Kendall.

**Kendall's Point of View**

****Why did I think that he'll want me. God! I'm so stupid.

Am I right though? Is life worth living without him. I mean, the two years of my life were the most miserable years of my life. I loved him. I still am madly in love with him. I...

"agghhhh"

GOD! THAT FUCKING HURT!

"What the fuck!" Why am I fucken tied up. What the...

**James's Point of View**

****Where did Kendall go? Which way?

I'll just go right.

Man this is a dark alley.

What the...!

Why am I being tied up! Who the fuck is doing this?

"What the fu-"

_**...Everything went black, for both James and Kendall...**_


	6. Not A Real Chapter

Hey! So… I am sorry for the long wait…. Don't worry! I will get stories updated soon! So… i was wondering…. i dought i will have fans, but if there are any people out there that want to follow me… I created a Facebook and a Twitter for my avatar. Emark Hernandez. If you want to, add me as a friend. I will accept everyone and yeah… My info is on the bottom.

P.S. I will update soon! AND I GOT MY LAPTOP! :D:D:D:D:D

-Emark

Facebook Email: emark1 live. com

Twitter Username: Emark20425

Thank You! And please be nice to me. :)


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